Xylitol

I am Xylitol. There are some cocksure little twerps who would think nothing of swaggering onstage, waving their dick around, thumbs through their beltloops to a retarded sleazebag glitterbeat thud they'd knocked up in five minutes on a DX7 drum machine and a broken 'Soul Preacher' FX pedal. I, however, am seldom asked to perform gigs, galleries, clubs or any other kind of social occasion, so when Monster Bobby requested I break my protracted silence on the occasion of the inaugural night of his 'Little Other' club in Greenwich, SE London, I naturally leapt at the chance. I hope my decision to perform in public (and by 'perform' I mean, more specifically, to press 'play' on a backing tape, jab at a synthesizer, talk and shuffle nervously) will not prove too acutely embarrasing for either me or the few who may choose to pay witness to such a spectacle.

Here follows a sample song for those yet unfamiliar with my musical endeavours, entitled 'Ghost Office' in hommage
to both Beyond The Implode RIP and Delia Derbyshire (RIP).